Britons take their queuing very, very seriously. After living in this country for seven weeks, I would agree with those who say it is akin to an Olympic sport. And who doesn’t like an orderly line? But the fervor goes well beyond just lining up. Here, it’s the ultimate test of civility and order. And if you break the code, well, prepare yourself.
So, now you’re thinking ‘yes, got it, check, check and double-check, visit England, stand politely in line.’ But the unspoken rules are actually a bit more complicated. It’s not just knowing not to hop a line. It’s also how you get into the queue, how you interact with others, and, God forbid, should you must, how to abdicate your place in a queue.
No, After You
Start by understanding that only an unhinged person would offer their spot in line to someone else, as I learned inside the venerable John Lewis department store. The wait outside the small elevators was long. I had a stroller. As the lift doors opened I offered to let someone else go ahead. “I’ll just wait,” I said, politely. Those words, I realized later, were
The all-mighty queue
tantamount to lobbing a grenade. The stares were penetrating, followed by the insistence that I MUST enter the lift. “No really, it’s fine,” I said, thinking myself the ultra-polite American. “I’ll take the next one.” More concern, more harrumphing.
I was a most rude creature, you could see it in their eyes. Or perhaps I needed institutionalization. Best to get in the lift and give me space to medicate, which they all did.
Like Magic: the Queue
A week later I was at the beach in Cornwall. Standing on a windy bluff, waiting for a ferry, I stopped with my son to admire the view. The boat was nowhere in sight, it would be a good ten minutes before the tiny passenger ship arrived, but as I turned around on the gravel boat ramp I discovered that 20 people had formed a queue behind me. A queue, not far from Land’s End, but there it was, attached to me like a tail.
My Turn? Really?
Perhaps my favorite encounter thus far, involved a little ice cream shop in the center of Cambridge. I stopped in to buy my children a treat on a hot day (yes they do occur here, if infrequently). I was the only one inside. I approached the counter, realized I’d left my wallet with my husband and popped out to get it. On my return I found the shopkeeper telling another customer he would have to wait in the queue. He looked around at the empty shop. You see, even outside, I WAS the queue. I approached the til and suggested the young man go first but both he and the shop keeper Insisted it was my turn.
For all I know the chap is still waiting for a scoop.
On The Roundabout 
Sorry the Queue didn’t powerfully influence all of the Empire.
Rookie mistake in John Lewis. Queue rule #74 states if you have a push chair (aka stroller) you automatically have right of way above all other lift users except the wheel chair bound, unless someone invokes the Cheltenham exception. (2nd lift due imminently)
Born and bred British, and my thoughts are:
No, after you – You have a pushchair and you don’t want to take the first opportunity to get into the lift? That chance might not come again for a long time. Even the thought of taking the pushchair into town makes me want to lie down till the thought goes away. Anyway, you have more right to be in the lift than most other people on 2 legs, they can easy take the escalator.
Like Magic – That seems a bit unhinged, even for the British. Are you sure you didn’t stop at a sign that said, “Queue here for the ferry”?
My turn. Really? – Totally normal British behaviour. Love it.
1. It’s the pushchair PLUS double-deck buses that turn tight corners on the sidewalks that make me want to lie down.
2. On my mother’s urn, there was no sign…just a slew of people in search of a queue.
Why is it that we provincial Americans have such a hard time with lines (op, sorry, ‘queues’) anyway?
Seems only fitting that everyone just take their proper place and insist that everyone fulfill their duty after having taken up space in the queue. It’s the only ‘polite’ thing to do!